It's all coming together

The other day I was woken with Danielle calling out at 5.30am - after a quick retuck, I went back to bed - but being that time of morning, I find it difficult to go back to sleep. So it became thinking time.

It's weird, so many random thoughts were going through my head, but also, everything just felt so clear and trouble free.

I just felt really at peace with where my life is at. I have always seen myself as a positive person who sees the bright side of things, I don't often feel dragged down by issues in life, I'm not a worrier when I can't do anything to change that at the time (if I have a worry, I immediately like to work to eliminate it by taking whatever action I can). So, what made life feel so good on that particular morning?

It's really been building over the past few weeks, mostly through my interactions on several message boards and my growing confidence in myself and perhaps a slightly reckless sense of not worrying about what others think of me when I disclose a bit more of myself or my true thoughts - even blogging here has been quite liberating for me, for someone who is very guarded about exposing the real me to all. I think, until the past 3-4mths, not one person (bar Simon) knew the me that I am *now*.

BUT, there have been changes!

I have had so many meaningful conversations with friends and family in the past week it's been amazing and feels...so good! Wow, to actually be myself and not feel afraid, or hesitant, or weird, or whatever. It's not even about *not caring* what others think, but just having a knowing that I am OK as I am.

Then, a few days back, Rach (Hi!) blogged about community and it *really* spoke to me and provided the piece in the puzzle that has been missing for me. For me to be feel authentic and close to someone there needs to be a transparent humility. Wow, such a simple concept, but so so true going on the few conversations I've been leaping into without defensiveness or hiding parts of myself or my thoughts. (I witnessed and understood humility for the first time about 15yrs ago between two women friends and was struck with the honesty and oneness that that brought them),

So why does my life feel like it's all of a sudden come together? Well, I've actually made the decision to homeschool the children as blogged a week or so back, I've realised my role of SAHM is perfect for me (no nagging question of "what will I do when the kids are older"), that the simple life really *is* the way forward for our family and I feel on the right path.